Stix on the Beach: Tales From The Happiest Hooker!

Changing Into Something Different

It's been a while, eh? I certainly did not want to go that long without it. But now I am back and ready to make up for lost time. So let's get right to it.

My daughter, Marissa, and I have been talking a lot about change lately.
Out of something confining. Into something more comfortable. For the better.

Somewhere, my way of blogging changed course. It was like I was only orbiting and transmitting from the right side of the tracks of the Blogosphere — where popular bloggers wake with organic coffee, make cute stuff between balanced meals, and take candlelit bubble baths to end the day. No problems. Praise for the perfect life. 
But that's not me. It's probably not even you. My world is more Boyez in the 'Hood. And that's not a bad thing. Therefore, it's time to start writing from that pretty — and also gritty — place again.

I absolutely love writing and I believe that comes across. Several years ago, a now infamous celebrity gossip blogger approached me to write for his site. I turned him down. Not long after that, a celebrity charity news site invited me to write for them. I accepted. But prior to both writing opportunities, I was the editor of my own worldwide publication for teen parents. Advocacy writing is what I enjoy most. Not-too-preachy-think-pieces-with-sass is my style. How I've missed it!

I am also excited by how words can market, promote and bring awareness to someone else's brilliant endeavor! After nearly eighteen years, I'm still amazed by the encouragement and support found in online communities. Yet the same ol' faces are the featured stories. And I want to change that. From fellow classic movie aficionados, to crafty entrepreneurs, to hometown humanitarians — I want to help shine the spotlight on them and their passion — either it be film appreciation, Red Heart Yarn creations or a grassroots charitable foundation!

The changes in blogging will also reflect my philanthropic philosophy and partnering its proactive approach with business. My goal is to design gifts that keep on giving — but not in that gonorrhea sort of way (and you were afraid my humor wasn't going to appear in this post!). I have chosen causes I feel compelled to champion for on behalf of BellaKarma.com. I have so many ideas my heart may burst! Hopefully, my enthusiasm will be a gateway to getting you involved in some of the diverse issues too.

As you can see, there is plenty to look forward to!  Please don't panic on the dance floor if you encounter dead links (such as on the new navigation bar on top). I'm a far way off from having every change up at once — after all, I'm doing this between disco naps!

Of the many changes happening, the most important thing is for me is to keep it real. And I hope that is something you want to see remain the same.

Be sure to visit my mom's new blog at REXROADSTUDIOS.COM!

Funny How The Night Moves

Calico on couch. Computer on coffee table. Classic movie on cable. Crochet on course. This is how I pretty much camp out every night. I am afraid of the dark, so I always leave the light on. And I keep the television on to keep my mind off the chronic pain. But in recent days it has become harder to get much sleep at night. I have been waking to sudden violent body jerks that scare the hell out of me. So naturally I've gone all Freddy "Don't Fall Asleep" Krueger on it.

It seems to be just one more sign that my condition has gone bat-shit crazy over the last couple of weeks. The nerve pain has spread and feels much more intensified. I now get Charley Horses in both legs (mostly late at night ) — the first time so visually twisted that I nearly passed out from fear. And I am frightened. Too much weirdness is going on with my body way too fast. Which means — you guessed it — the onset of panic attacks are returning.

So now I'm making a list and checking it twice (thrice, and once more, and yes, I usually turn around when I get to the front door to walk back downstairs to the parking garage to make sure I locked the car) of all the crap that's been going on with my body in anticipation of finally getting medical treatment (DRUGS!) in 2013. But don't worry, this blog won't become one of those blogs that harp on and on about health issues.

Around the Corner and Beyond

Sooo, how were the holidays? Are there any cookies left? Does anyone know if candy canes at  Target have been marked down to ten-cents a box yet? Who forget to buy batteries/HDMI cord/rolling papers to go along with your awesome gift? Did Santa fill your stockings with Xanax and Vicodin? Did your drunk cousin try to snort the powdered sugar off the Russian Tea Cakes too?

I spent part of Christmas Eve watching one of my favorite classic movies — The Shop Around the Corner. If you have not seen it, just think You've Got Mail if Al Gore had never invented the Internet. The film is directed by Ernst Lubitsch and written by Samson Raphaelson. I idolize their creative, comedic collaborations. Here's a little morsel of their Pre-Code sexual humor from 1931's The Smiling Lieutenant: (a note written by Claudette Colbert's character to the husband she's cheating with after spending the day buying new lingerie for his wife, who he has not yet consummated their marriage to): "It may interest you to know that she's a blonde." Holy. Shit.

But let's get back to Christmas.

Despite the look of utter disdain on Kali's face, she was the one most excited about Christmas in our household! During the past few weeks, she would wake up and immediately go sit beside the Christmas tree until I turned on the lights. Then she would stare at it until nodding back to sleep. Or she would nap under the tree, right next to her presents that she found, apparently by reading her name on the tags. Kali was up at six o'clock on Christmas morn, crying at the bedroom door to be let out. An hour later we all got up to open presents. Kali played with her eighteen miniature furry, fluffy, feathery mice toys for nearly ten hours straight before knocking out in her bed for the night. I thought Santa brought her sixteen miniature mice, along with one large hot pink mouse, then I figured out why there are more.

Amongst the awesome gifts I received from mom, Marissa and Kali (which included a Quentin Tarantino-themed package and a Sicilian Mafia-themed package), were four fiber lovin' books I've been wanting (and made quite clear by creating an Amazon "I Can Be Bought" Wish List)! They are Around the Corner Crochet Borders, Beyond the Square Crochet Motifs, 200 Fair Isle Motifs and Alice Starmore's revered Book of Fair Isle Knitting. I'll be giving you a peek of what's between the covers and psychoanalyze my relationship with them over the next few weeks.  I've especially been waiting for Around the Corner Crochet Borders so I can finish up my 2012 afghan. More about that next year.

Since I brought it up — I've been going at it since the beginning of December with my New Year's Cleaning,Redecorating, Reorganizing & OMFG This Shit Will Never Fit Back Into My Closet Once I Take It All Out tradition. I spent two days rearranging my craft shelves basically back to how they looked three days prior. I eventually switched things around enough to where I can see a difference. I also cleared off my sewing table of everything except for my sewing machine and sewing basket. Looks totally plain and boring; however, since I am declaring 2013 as The Year of the Quilt, I need the space to actually sew.

Alright then! Now it's time to tell me about your favorite gifts from this holiday season! Yes, by all means be sappy with "my loving family" and "my good health" and "a roof over my head" — but tell me the good stuff too, like about the real hardcover books and Blu-Rays and hand-knitted bag of mixed narcotics you received!

By the way, I'm totally cool with the idea if any of you are thinking of re-gifting me a bottle of Vicodin. My birthday is on the third of January. It can be a combo present.

Christmas on Camera

 

 

 

 

 

It's not the Winter Wonderland I envisioned for this year, but I am happy with the simplicity, for now. Visions of sugar plums and garlands at seventy-five percent off the day after Christmas dance in my head, though. I have noticed that my taste in Christmas decorations has become more traditional (in the secular sense) over the past couple of years — with just enough eccentricity to make people wonder if someone in the household smokes weed.

A new addition is the Better Homes and Gardens Joyful Holiday Wax Warmer that Marissa bought at Wal-Mart. It's like, my new favorite thing, ever.  Totally worth twelve dollars, but I think it was marked down to eight at the store. The wax cube packages were two bucks a pop, so we picked up a few. The ones we've tried so far smell good! The cool thing is the cubes last forever 'cause you pour the hot wax back into the cubed package to reuse!  And it masks the smell of pot, I would assume.

Even though the apartment isn't how I imagined it would look this holiday season, it does match my low-key attitude I have this year. For nearly two decades, I wished time would slow down right around now so I could come up with just a little bit more money, but this year I'm already done with shopping  — and am so thrilled with the presents that I wish Christmas was tomorrow! I've also started the holiday treat-making early so I can space it out instead of doing it all in one day, which is so much smarter for my spine! And no matter what I may receive, the best part of Christmas this year is seeing how my twenty-one-year-old daughter still writes "To Mommy" on her gifts for me.

Sit Quietly in the Corner

The anticipation for Autumn is over. It appears Fall is finally here. I even had to use the heater Saturday afternoon to get the chill out! That means it got below sixty-eight degrees Fahrenheit. The heavy ripple afghan will be put on the bed after I confiscate it from Kali. And soon I will once again panic that I don't own a winter coat that fits me on those few rare days I need one.

I love how now the outdoors has slowed down and grown darker, and I have to turn the lamps on indoors during the middle of the day  — and how anytime seems like a good time to pick up the needles or hook. Lately it's been more knitting than crocheting — and I'm wondering if that's a subconscious seasonal thing. And I don't mean the holiday season.

Nearly a decade ago, the man I loved said "I love you" to me for the last time.  I went into a depression that can literally make someone die from a broken heart. The kind of despair that found me vacuuming the living room carpet one moment, then curled up on the kitchen floor in tears the next. The kind of heartache that made me stop eating for over four months, in what a friend described as a "slow suicide."

What helped heal my mind was knitting — which I started in November of that year. I even knitted up an appetite (my weight had dwindled to double-digits) from fun hours of knit, purl, knit, purl. As melodramatic as it might sound, knitting may have saved my life. And almost like clockwork, I find myself knitting more at this time of year.

Which is why I keep my cozy crafty corner even more comfortable nowadays. I love sitting there to quiet my mind while knitting or crocheting (or sewing or writing) and watching the wind blow through the tree branches and seeing the rain sparkle on the windowsill. I invite you to pull up a chair as I will begin to show you more projects that come to life from this little spot.

Kathryn Vercillo famed for her Crochet Concupiscence blog has written a book titled Crochet Saved My Life. I haven't bought it to read yet, but I'm so happy to see other crocheters opening up and sharing their stories.

I have also blogged about the mental health benefits of knitting and crocheting through my panic attacks.

If you're having suicidal thoughts and need someone to talk to, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: