Stix on the Beach: Tales From The Happiest Hooker!

Lafayette's Crochet Cloak of Many Colors

As much as I want to argue against the asinine commentary that True Blood is "Vampire Porn" — I will put that aside for another Look Closer post, 'cause right now is time for another installment of Yarn Porn seen on True Blood! Of course it comes courtesy once again from my favorite hooker, Lafayette!

This time it's featuring the big ol' multi-color-Red-Heart-yarn-lovin'-double-crochet-scrappy-square blanket seen in Season Three's episode "Fresh Blood."  In case you've forgotten what happened in that episode, here's a lil' reminder:

Lafayette is sportin' a solid granny square with eyelet corners (in contrast to a traditional granny square that consists of clusters and chain spaces). While we never really see the middle of the blanket, it's a pretty good guess that it's similar to the Square Target pattern found in 200 Crochet Blocks for Blankets, Throws, and Afghans: Crochet Squares to Mix and Match. Similar FREE patterns (with visual instructions!) can be found here (with an updated post here) and another here!
I freakin' love the Internet. I hope it continues to catch on.

The eyelet corners eventually end and you continue your double-crochet rounds with a solid corner.  And this is where my mad Internet skillz FAILED me. I cannot find instructions on how to do this! It's what I did to the corners when I made the Granny in the Middle square. You can find that pattern also in 200 Crochet Blocks for Blankets, Throws, and Afghans or, um, check this out. You want to start with Round 6, but change any "1 sc" to "1 dc" and ignoring anything to do with the chain 1 spaces, and then continue on till Round 8 --- and repeat Round 8 (remember, you can change colors whenever) until the blanket is the size you want it!

So to recap: To begin, ch 3, work 1 dc into each dc of previous round, working 5 dc into each eyelet SPACE, join with sl st into first dc.
Next round: Ch 3, 1 dc into each sc of previous round, working 3 dc into center st of each 5 dc corner group, join with sl st into first dc.
Next round: ch 3, 1 dc into each dc of previous round, working 3 dc into center st of each 3 dc corner group, join with sl st into first dc. Repeat until desired size!

That sounds right, but I could be totally wrong.
You could certainly just keep doing the eyelets too — here's a beautiful example of how the Square Target looks larger: Colourful Square Target.

This seems like the type of project that you could do at Vamp Speed! If you start today, you would totally have it finished by next week's episode of True Blood! P.S. I just totally glamored you.

...and yes...I totally see that other crochet afghan hanging over Lafayette's chair. One thing at a time...

True Blood's Real Bad Things

This Post Contains Spoilers From Season One Through Season Five.

I've been quite perplexed by a growing popular opinion amongst the True Blood audience and critics alike. And that is, them referring to the series as a comedy. No argument, the humor on True Blood is truly brilliant and laugh-out-loud funny. But its hilarity highlights the stark difference of the deep and disturbing story lines that are at the core of HBO's underrated supernatural drama.

Even if we were to strip away all the supernatural elements of the show, we'd still be left with five seasons of severe fuckedupness, for bad things in Bon Temps keep piling up. Child abuse, homophobia, alcoholism, child molestation, mental illness, rape, sexual addiction and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is just some of the real-life shit the human characters are challenged with besides Shifters, Sanguinistas, and Spine-Ripping Vampires.

Yet, fans are laughing off these so-called silly stories. And that's seriously not funny. Viewers who are void of empathy for these character's very human experiences are far more heartless than all the villainous TV Vampires combined.


Looking for the truth in True Blood too? Then be sure to visit the The Ancient Pythoness.

A Turn For The Better

This Post Contains Spoilers From Season Four and Episode "Turn! Turn! Turn!" (Season Five).

True Blood is back and I can tell the summer forecast for Season Five is going to be blazin' hot! You can bet there are a few folks in Bon Temps who are already feelin' the heat (and more than a couple who'd wish they stayed outtah the kitchen)!


Season Five did not pick up where we left it on the kitchen floor. Instead, we see Sookie's Circus Honda pulling up to her house and a posse of killer clowns jumping out from the car! Not really.

As Sunny awesomely predicted over at The Ancient Pythoness, the season started with a bit of a rewind so the epic Battle Of The Narrative could go forward! First it was Bill, who was on the phone ordering pizza with extra sauce (with Eric in the background cleaning the billshit litterbox). But Bill is taken down within seconds by killer clowns, I mean, THE AUTHORITY! This gave Lafayette control as he entered The Kitchen of Thrills & Kills, but then Pam came speeding in, glanced approvingly at the Bloody Marys on the floor, and with her point-0f-view-'tude, exclaimed, "Let's get this party started!"  But Lafayette cut her off with, "Yo, Imma let you finish, but Tara had one of the best heroic scenes ever! Now turn this hookah out!"


Suddenly me, Lafayette, and Sookie are all screaming at once! "Turn her! Please God-damn it! I'll give you my entire My Little Pony collection and my Super Snatch! And mine too! What are you waiting for!? For fuck's sake, get off your bony ass, Pam! I'VE WAITED FIVE FUCKING SEASONS FOR THIS! WE KNOW AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA DO IT PAM, SO JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!"

Then Pam totally did it. And all this before the opening credits!

A television critic described the first several episodes in Season Five as having "severe narrative whiplash."  We can only hope.

Stay tuned for Part II (added here) where I rejoice in the new P.O.V and find out what question was asked that has me so full of happiness, that I'll be shitting unicorns and rainbows till next Sunday.

Looking for the truth in True Blood too? Then be sure to visit the The Ancient Pythoness.

Come What May, Tara Mae

This Post Contains Spoilers from Season One through Season Four.

Tara Mae Thornton is a fighter —  fitting, considering how many in the True Blood fandom want to knock her down.

After watching Season One and Two within a few weeks time, I rode the "I Hate Tara and Her Quivering Lip Sidekick" bandwagon until coming to the realization towards the end of Season Three that I admired Tara more than I did Sookie. But when I jumped from the bandwagon, no one else in the True Blood community who I felt were my people were beside me when I landed. When Tara drove off in the Season Three Finale, the hope in the Fandom was that she'd drive right off a cliff — or get hit by Sam's bullet meant for Tommy in a convoluted drive-by shooting scenario.

It's not that I expect #TEAMTARA to ever trend on Twitter, but now five days away from Season Five, I find the growing hatred for Tara to be quite disheartening. And how these fans feel about Tara speaks volumes of how they feel about Sookie, for much of what Tara has said and done for the past four seasons is what fans have called Sookie "stupid" for not saying or doing.

The writers of True Blood aren't making Tara Thornton out to be THE ANGRY BLACK WOMAN, nor is she the token poor black female victim. Tara represents the smart, spunky, sensitive, sensual, strong, "speaks the truth" survivor we should all be rooting for! She is Sookie's soul-twin who fights to live. And as Tara goes, so goes Sookie.

Lafayette: “You got a death wish?”

Tara: “No, I don’t. I fought like a muthafucka to survive. Never realized how much
I wanted to live.”


In contrast to Sookie, who rarely gives a second thought to death and dying, (like the incredibly suspicious murder of her grandmother and nearly being murdered herself by the same killer), Tara feels deeply for those she has loved and lost...


...and she will literally fight tooth and nail to survive, not just for herself, but to save her friends and family. We have seen that there is nothing that Tara won't do for those she loves....


...including taking a bullet in the head for her best friend.  And whatever else that may come next.
 

"You have the right temperament for a vampire .... you're ruthless when it comes to the people you love. You'd do anything for them."  ~ Eric Northman

Looking for the truth in True Blood too? Then be sure to visit the The Ancient Pythoness.
Screencaps courtesy of Ladymanson.com.

Holy Hell, Holly!

This Post Will Contain Spoilers From Season Four.

 

My thoughts on what I believe about Holly keeps changing just like the wind. Join me this week as I start to determine if Holly Cleary is a huggin' & a lovin' pot smokin' magical doppel .... or a demon worshipper.